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"For the last time, love, I don't need your bloody help!" Arthur Kirkland's bright green eyes met yours, narrowing, sending you a warning about the dangerous territory you were crossing.

You looked right back into his eyes with a cold glare of your own, hands on your hips. "Arthur, your cooking has hozpitalized ten men, nine women, and almost put poor Alfred into a coma!" The harsh truth in your haughty retort caused the Brit to flinch, but didn't seem to crack his iron resolve.

You groaned; while you loved most things about your boyfriend, his ability to be such a stubborn ass wasn't on the list. You wished he would just give up and let you teach him how to cook, though he still seemed to think his posinous cooking was edible.

You stepped closer to him, a sigh escaping your lips; you didn't want to pull this card, but he left you with no other choice. "Let me teach you how to cook or, so help me, I'll shave off your eyebrows!"

The Brit squeaked in horror, his hands flying to his abnormally bushy eyebrows. Despite what he said, Arthur actually rather liked his eyebrows. "You-You wouldn't!"

"I would."

Arthur took a moment to murmer a few choice curse words before waving the white flag. "Fine."

You grinned, grabbing the Brit's hand and dragging him into the kitchen. "Alright, let's start off simple." You grabbed a bowl as you spoke, running over to the pantry and grabbed a box of cereal.

Arthur eyed the box, his frown deepening. "Cereal?"

"Yes, cereal. Now, pour the cereal into the bowl." With a sigh, the Brit did as you asked. So far so good, you thought as you went to the fridge and got the milk. "Now, pour the milk."

Again, he did as you instructed, muttering under his breath about how no one appreciated good cooking. No sooner had he finished, the cereal suddenly burst into flames. With a shriek, you lunged for the sink, spraying water all over the cereal.

You groaned, allowing yourself a moment to facepalm. Maybe this would be harder than you thought.


After four hours, nine spills, five burns, and two explosions, you manged to teach the cooking disabled Brit to make something: scrambled eggs. It wasn't much, but it was a step into the cooking world, and you were lucky to get him that far.

You decided that he was eady to move onto cake. Not the homemade kind, mind you, the box kind. One reason you didn't come over to his house as often as you could is because of the sweets he was guranteed to serve when you DID come. You refused to make anymore trips to the toilet because of his crappy pastries. So, if you could teach him how to make some decent treats, you wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.

You showed him how to get started and, you would admit, for a guy who couldn't cook to save his life, he wasn't doing too bad. You suddenly felt something splatter on your cheek. Whipping it off with your finger, you licked it; chocolate.

"Arthur, hon, you're stirring too fast!" You scolded, grabbing the Brit's hand and forcing him to stir slower. "Do it like-." But you were cut off by Arthur, who grabbed your face with his free hand and pressed his lips to yours. He pulled away just as quickly, smirking as the blush covering your cheeks.

"Maybe you don't like my cooking, but I know you love my snogging."

"Shut up." You muttered, hitting him playfully on the shoulder.

You'd never admit it out loud, but some part of you wished his cooking never improved; you could stomach his crappy cooking if it gave you an excuse to do this more often.
I've started doing a fluff series called Simple Wishes. Second: England! :iconhappyenglandplz:

Other Simple Wish stories links:

America: [link] :iconsexyamericaplz:

France: Coming soon! :iconsexyfranceplz:

China: Coming soon! :iconsexychinaplz:

Russia: Coming soon! :iconsexyrussiaplz:

Canada: Coming soon! :iconsexycanadaplz:
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ZombieDswim Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2015

KathrineKatsdaleFnaf Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2016
*gives him award* happy?
ZombieDswim Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2016
RingoDe-Mingo Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014
Did someone put a curse on England or its just the food don't want him to touch them. They will be like, "Oh-uh, no bitch touch my homies" and they burst into flame so they can die together
FoxTheMagnificent Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014
When the cereal caught fire I immediately thought of spencer from iCarly and how whenever he made something or tried to fix something it just so happen to catch on fire
WontstoptilIgetyou Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
So did I xD
Floridadaawesome Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013
XD funny story time! So I was siting in my theater class and we were playing mafia. We all had our eyes closed, and some one was making kissing noises. Out of pure instinct (I'm american) My British accent that I use alot came outa nowhere and I said "Stop snogging!" The whole class laughed. It was awesome! 
estherbunnyfoofoo Featured By Owner May 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My sister caught cereal on fire once...
jerrythekid Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
I wouldnt be able to help, sadly. Im almost the same
MrsKyoya Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Cereal in flames.....sounds like my sisters way of cooking XD Love this! Lokking forward to the others!
SICKBRUCE Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I lost it when the cereal burst into flames omg this is very entertaining!
designLala Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
The cereal...burst into flames? That's awesome xD

And if England would become my boyfriend, the entire house might burst into flames, 'cuz I have absolutely no talent in cooking :icondepressedplz:
panda8time Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
lifealwaysgoeson Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah the lovely moment in a story when something just randomly catches on fire.
Animeotaku605 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
As soon as I saw that he was going to make cereal, I busted up laughing because of a demodivational poster I saw with England and a burning bowl of cereal
Vampire-Hinata-112 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
How did the cereal burst into flames!? *brain broke*
ScarletMoon-98 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
How does cereal burst into flames? Its cereal! It's not a hot food, so how the hell...only England X3
ZombieDswim Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2015
Eh, I've heard stories of people actually setting bowls of cereal on fire.
MonteDeNeko300 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
xD i love it
SnowSungirl Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
This is so cute!
GoingMadHatter Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, England. You neve cease to make me smile :iconsoaparthurplz: Love the story! X3
1meh8 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I LOL'ed at the cereal bursting into flames part XD
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Submitted on
December 27, 2012
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